ups and downs ins and outs..........friends w/benefits? Is it worth it?????

Here I go, exposing my life to the world.........why, you might ask?   because its easier to sort things out, when the eyes of others read my words and  respond with their thoughts............things DO get out of control sometimes, in my world......but never violently, not anymore, anyways...........not for a long, long time..............I'm supposed to be old enough to know better...................I love my friends..........I'm pretty loyal.........I have one friend ive known for over 20 years and I thought we really cared about each other............weve been thru alot together and weve hooked up off and on over the years..........I love his daughter and grandkids so much, as if they were my own.................all these years being best friends and all, you might think this would be a story with a happy ending.....................it turns out that I have actually been his "booty call" all these years and it has meant nothing, nada, zilch......................i'm done for good...........if i mean that little, then there was nothing there to begin with...................and that just devastates me...........i really tried hard to  help him out............well, this new woman doesn't know what she's getting in to.............it won't last, never does..................but i miss the fun and joking around, poking each other with sticks and antennas...........never again, NEVER...............hope he has a nice life.......................